Trying for a baby is hard work. Forget what you were taught in school, forget what your mumma frightened you with when you had the awkward “sex talk” during puberty- I’m totally calling bullshit on all of it!
Every aspect of raising a baby excites me and for years this continual excitement has fueled my longing for a baby of our own. The pregnancy, the birth, the bonding with a wee human you’ve created. Even the poo explosions, the projectile vomiting, the screaming and sleepless nights. Seeing your husband loving something else unconditionally- as if you’d both actually die without that new being in your lives. Yep all of that excites me- the good and the bad.
Never once did I doubt the process, or question how long it would take to conceive. We were always told to “use protection or you’ll get pregnant” so I suppose I just assumed it would be, well, easy to get knocked up (insert face palm slap). Have sex, make a baby- Simple right? Oh boy, how wrong this can be. It’s actually rather embarrassing looking back on how naive I was, I shake my head now laughing at the thought. My mum always said “you’ll just have to sniff the stuff and you’ll get pregnant I know it”. Watching all our friends around us fall pregnant so easily was bitter sweet- We were overjoyed with pure excitement for them, but also overwhelmed with the feeling of “what’s wrong with us then?”
Fast track to the now, we’ve been actively trying for coming onto 8 months. 8 months doesn’t seem like a long time but it honestly feels like an eternity of waiting, hoping, wishing and praying. It feels like a lifetime when it’s the one thing you don’t have control over. To throw another spanner in the trying-to-conceive works- my husband is only home every three weeks so focusing on the timing issue really is a total headache.
Each month comes and goes. You search for every sign of ovulation; pains, secretions, temperature shifts, egg whites (yes, ewcm egg whites is an actual thing!). Then after the golden egg has supposedly been released, you start the dreaded two week wait; where you begin to twitch in angst because two whole weeks waiting, feels like a friggen lifetime away. Again you start tracking every ache, every twinge, every cramp, every sleepless night, every crazy dream, every sore throat and every possible sign that might lead to pregnancy symptoms.
This vicious trying to conceive cycle starts to play on your mind, your soul, your well being. Each month you convince yourself “this is the month, I’m pregnant,” but then just when you’re so sure of yourself, just when you’re certain those signs and symptoms HAVE to conclude to a pregnancy, that giant red BITCH of a period arrives. Each month a text goes back and forth to a handful of my closest friends containing the words “my vagina has been murdered.” We laugh and joke and then go about our day, but that little message is just something to sweeten the blow of what feels like an avalanche of sad emotions.
Through all my research (and bloody hell there’s a lot to learn) it was mind boggling to find out just how hard it is to get pregnant. SAY WHATTT- But it’s meant to be easy right? Each year I get older, my chances of conceiving decrease by almost half- Wholly shit stop the clock now. Finding out that our bodies actually reject semen like it’s an intruder, watching videos of how they have to physically struggle through the trenches of our acidic bodies to get to the winning prize- The poor bastards don’t even stand a chance! Being told by my doctor, with a calm smile on his face, that it actually takes up to 12 months for a perfectly healthy couple to fall pregnant- That’s pretty much when my brain exploded.
Trying for a baby has cost us hundreds if not thousands of dollars already (and that’s not even trying IVF). I suppose you could call me obsessive, but my original mind set was to try everything possible to start with to increase our chances of falling. This seemed like it was a positive way to look at our journey, why not start off this the best way possible. But it all seriously adds up. Weekly naturopath visits, weekly acupuncture sessions, doctor’s check-ups, countless pregnancy and ovulation tests, blood tests, Chinese herbalists to get my hormones back into balance, using pre-seed and then there’s the endless drugs we take to encourage a healthy body. Vitex, fertile aid, elevit, premolar, vitamins, fish oils, the list is endless. Not to mention to the crayacray googling you do to see if all of these things even work. You’ve already become a crazy person for being so obsessed, but the googling really just confirms this.
None of those things listed have worked for us so far and to be honest i’ve now stopped it all to just focus on “us”. The one piece of advice that every parents seems to give is “relax, you can’t be stressed.” Yep, totally aware of this factor (say it one more time, I dare you). Stress does play a huge part in my daily life but I suppose it’s the one factor that is seriously hard to change. Wanting a baby is not like a switch where you can just flick it off when you want. It’s embedded into you like you’re missing a limb from your body. This wanting alone triggers that awful stress, so learning how to breathe and let it all go takes time.
This past 8 months has taught me a lot of life changing things. I’ve discovered a lot about my body, I can read every sign it throws at me like a book. I’ve taught myself how to de-stress and let go of situations so I don’t consume the negative energy. I’ve become less consumed by wanting a baby and adopted a healthier mind set because I know it will happen eventually. God has a plan for Ben and I, and I know his plan is going to be epic. I just need to be patient, our time will come. I know this whole trying to conceive journey has forced me to become more appreciative and loving for what we have now and for what our future holds.
It means that when we finally hold our baby in our arms, whenever that may be, it will be the most incredible gift ever given to us.
Thank you for sharing your story. We can totally relate. I’m 38, it’s our 4th TTC, 4 miscarriages and still no sign of a baby. We have tried every natural remedy and supplement there is known to man. But I do believe God gave me the dream in my heart of having my own baby one-day and He will provide me with all I need to make this dream come true….Congrats on your beautiful bundle of joy xxx
My hubby and i struggled to get pregnant for what seemed like forever (9 months). Had a bunch of blood tests, sperm tests, internal ultrasounds etc. Ended up falling preg after ultrasound technician noticed it looked like i was about to ovulate during my internal ultrasound. Was happening a week earlier than i thought it had been, went home n tested w clearblue ovulation kit and got a smiley. My cycles were 40 days and i had been ovulating inconsistently with progesterone blood tests showing very late ovulation then early, confusing! So now i am 12 weeks preg. We couldnt be happier. It was worth the wait and all the stresses just fade away now. The song below ‘Winter song’ got me through. I would hum it and meditate thinking about the baby making its way to us. Your baby will find its way xx
” This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea
My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.
They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.
They say were buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.
This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause you’re not where you belong;
inside my arms.
I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.
Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.
This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause you’re not where you belong;
inside my arms.
This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea.
My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.”
I’m 25 and have been married just over 4 years. Last year we moved from Aus to the USA. We started trying once we got to the States and it took 4 months to conceive our first baby, found out at 11 weeks that i had a missed miscarriage(This February) I cried every day for two months.
I’m currently in my 3rd cycle since having the D&C and today i have had my LH surge. Praying that this will be the cycle i conceive again.
The trying to conceive journey can be incredibly difficult especially when close friends and family are getting pregnant. I’m in my mid 20’s and thought that because of that i’d have no problems getting pregnant and giving birth to a beautiful healthy baby.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers as each month goes on. It’s tough and there’s nothing anyone can say to make the process any easier.
Through our suffering it produces perseverance, and perseverance character and character produces hope. Romans 5:4
xx
I think so many people will relate to this, so know you are not alone. I struggled to conceive both my kids but strangely enough both times happened in those moments we weren’t ‘trying’. First was a big boozy night celebrating a friends 30th and the second was at a point where we decided to not keep ‘trying’ and stop keeping track of everything. I had actually put on about 5kg (and had done the first time too) and was eating lots of essential fats. The extra kg’s seemed to be just what my body needed. Weirdly enough I didn’t gain any weight during both pregnancies as I lost weight as the baby got bigger. Ended up back down to my pre-5kg weight both times post-birth.
Hi Kyree, thanks for your honest post. I stumbled upon your instagram not too long ago and have been following you since. I’m usually a quite follower, but I felt the need to express my gratitude here for this one. I’m going through what you are going through now, and you have no idea how much your post made me feel sane. Thank you. I look forward to reading about your exciting news, hopefully in the near future. Like you said… it’s going to be epic!
Hang in there. It’s so hard, I know. It will happen eventually but in the meantime it’s a bitch. I had a MC after 6 months of trying then it took another 12 months to fall pregnant. We started trying again when she was 5 months old. 15 MC later (anywhere from 6-11 weeks) and 7.5 years we FINALLY got a little sticky babe. She turns 3 in a couple of week and we have been trying since we was a couple of months old and no luck. Couple more MC and I don’t want a huge age gap again so we might have to call it quits before her 4th birthday. I hate it. I wanted 4 but it’s been so hard to get 2- I can’t even hope to ever have 4 now. Stories of neglect, abandonment and abuse really get to me because is give anything to have lots and lots of babies and I can’t and there are these people who don’t deserve it who seems to have no trouble at all. 😪
Thank you for being so honest about a topic so taboo. Unless people experience it, they just don’t get it.
We are struggling, waiting, desperately hoping for our second. Every time a close friend tells me they are pregnant (and it always happens so easy!!!) I cry as all I want is to be sharing that joy and journey too and wishing and longing to be able to share that same news. I am not being a spoilt brat, it’s just every fibre in my body wants that baby soooo badly. And while I don’t I feel like I am failing.
April is our mouth Kyree! Let’s do this!!
I was cray cray for a bae bae aswell! I stressed every single month and wondered what was wrong with me.. after a good 12 months of trying and 2 miscarriages later (aged 22) i gave up and as soon as i did BAM preggers!
Im not going to say stop stressing and putting so much emphasis on it but i will tell you that it will happen when it is suppose to, and hey just enjoy the sex!
You’re so amazing Ky! Good on you for writing this blog post. As hard as it sounds for you, I applaud you for continuing to be so positive in a time where your head space can be so out of whack.
Love you girl x
It’s a tough road.
And it still shocks me how many couples have to deal with the struggle of making a baby.
We really all did think it would be so easy.
I do take some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and that does give me hope that one day for each of us we will hold a sweet little baby of our own.
Keep as positive as you always are.
I cried while reading this because what you said is exactly how I felt for a little over 12mths. My husband went to a catholic school and had the fear of God put in him that if you even look at a girl the wrong way she would be pregnant, (he says how he wants to go back to that school and tell them they are full of it). I remember that same bitter sweet feeling when our friends fell pregnant and I remember sending that same text message to my sister each month 😞 I counted the days and made sure we were having plenty of sex at the supposd right time and in the end none of that mattered. In the end we conceived our little boy on a very drunken night (well outside what I thought was my time to ovulate).
My only comment for you is that you are right, God has a plan. We had 2 miscarriages before our little boy and looking back on it I believe it was fate, if we hadn’t had had the 1st miscarriage we wouldnt have booked our trip to Europe and had the most amazing holiday with our best friends (while 25 weeks pregnant) to remember always!
I’m not going to tell you to be patient or to try not to stress because I know that’s hard but I will tell you to be positive, it will happen and I look forward to seeing your pregnancy announcement in the near future xxx
It’s friggen tough.
Every 2 wks you’re forced to think about it, like you say.
Period, ovulation, period, ovulation etc etc.
“Just don’t think about it and it will happen”….. They say.
And if only it were that easy.
I am a mum to 2 beautiful girls.
We weren’t even trying when we fell pregnant with no 1 and I was so arrogant to think it was easy to fall pregnant.
Trying for no 2 was a nightmare.
I had internal issues caused from my emergency c-sect with no 1 so I suffered some losses and after 3 years was over it when no 2 made herself known.
It doesn’t make things easier knowing you have a kid already, if you’re hungry for a child it still equates to those same feelings.
Go on a nice big holiday and give yourself permission to have a break and don’t be hard on yourself.
And as my sister would say: fingers crossed, legs uncrossed!
Ugh, bloody doctors. It is such a joke isn’t it? We are continually told by the media, have your babies before your eggs get old. Then you’re pushing thirty and it’s taking a while but they tell you to wait. And that’s to have one child. What if the plan was for three?
I took six months to get pregnant, but I totally get you, it felt like an eternity. Unfortunately I lost that baby. Another 8 months and a puppy (because j was getting so sad) later and I am finally expecting and again and all is well.
I was similar to you, tried everything. One thing I really recommend is the billings method. It’s old school. It was actually used to help people NOT get pregnant! It tells you when to go for it and when to leave it, yes sometimes you have to back off! Haha. I also found tracking my temperature each morning (BBT) helped and I knew I was prego each time because of it.
It sucks it’s taking you so long. I’m really sorry. Keep up the positivity and baby vibes. I really hope you get some good news soon. Xx
I just wanted to let you know my brother & sister in law went throught a very similar situation. They tried for almost a year to fall pregnant. My brother worked away in the mines. They started having all kinds of tests done, nothing was wrong. My brother left the mines & got a job at home & they were pregnant in a couple of months.
it will happen for you & when it does you will be an Amazing mum. Xx
I could have written this myself! I did all of the above but honestly went a lot crazier. The more I told myself to relax the more stressed I became. After 6 months I started on clomid, fell preggo second cycle but lost that pregnancy at 15 weeks (rare terminal condition). 6 more cycles of clomid- nada 🙁 no baby. Ivf for us. Miscarried at 9 weeks, then finally conceived and gave birth to our beautiful baby girl. It took us over 2 years but it was oh so worth all the heartache. I found the trying to conceive the hardest (not having any control and the forever waiting). I was a lot more calm after starting ivf- as We had a lot more control and it felt like we had a much better shot at finally falling pregnant. Nothing anyone says or anything you do can stop that longing and heartache. Just do what you gotta do to get by and know that it will happen, and when it does it is all the more sweeter. All the best to you, i soon will be on the TTC roller coaster again to conceive baby #2 (we want 4 children, are we crazy or what?!) much love and baby dust xx
Hi Kyree!
I just wanted to leave a quick note and say I hear you! My husband and I have been trying for a bit over a year and a half. All of the constant analyzing of “symptoms” makes me crazy. Not to mention the past two months my normally incredibly regular and predictable period has been 3 days late! It just feels like your body is screwing with you. Honestly though, I feel like God is just teaching me to trust him through this. Which is hard for me, I like to be in control and have a plan for everything. So in a way I guess it’s probably good for me.
Anyway, just wanted to say hello and that I appricate being able to relate to someone, even someone I don’t know!
-Katie
I understand perfectly and couldn’t have written it better myself. I am going through the exact same struggles. Only we have been trying for over 2 years and the last three months tried clomid and IUI…didn’t work. I too decided to take a break for a few months to clear my head because I was on Google overload. But in the end, I think you are right. God has a plan for us and even though I don’t understand why everyone else can pregnant and we can’t…it’s a frustrating process to say the least. Good Luck to you, I follow you on instagram! Sending positive vibes to you!
I love your posts the body is a wonderful instrument, I don’t think you really need to take any Medes or vitamins it will just happen. I had my first at 25 & second At 27. I remarried later in life to a man without children and we had another two when I was 39 & 41. I am one of the lucky ones who never had to try. You must make sure you eat lots of carbs & junk basically & even put on weight and forget about all the herbal & Chinese medicine crap as when you think about it women have been having babies for centuries without all that intervention which is really just designed to make these greedy practitioners rich.
We spend our whole lives trying not to fall pregnant and then when we want to, it’s such hard work! It sounds like you’re doing everything possible but have you tried the over-the-counter ovulation testers (eg the Clear Blue one)? We were trying for 7months, bought that and fell pregnant that next month… Just a thought!
I just had to say that I am with you in this! Our firstborn was an “oops” baby but we have been trying to conceive our second for over 6 months now (we conceived in january, but unfortunately I lost the baby at 6 weeks). We naively thought it would be easy, and I, too, have tried all the crazy charting and vitamins. We’re taking a break from all that now and just trying to eat well, exercise, and just take our multivitamins. I’ve started Journaling and have kept off of post “baby” forums or websites (found they were making me more anxious). Wishing you the best of luck…you definitely are not alone. Thanks for a lovely post
Sharing your heart like this is so vulnerable and beautiful, because women all over the world are reading and listening and sharing similar experiences. You’re an incredibly strong woman, perfect mother material. Love you sister X
Beautiful photos.
Honey, I was told at 27 I would not get pregnant naturally. It was a huge blow to me as a woman who had lived her whole life waiting to be a mum.
For what it’s worth, my life had to fall completely apart for me to rebuild it correctly. 5 years on… the apparent reason for all the struggles and health issues. Stress.
I know you’re head strong so may not even read this, I’ve used the ‘S’ word, and Leo’s are notorious for having their own ideas 😂, but I’ll tell you what worked for me, just in case it can for you too.
1. Exercise daily. A walk is fine, but it releases endorphins, lowers stress levels, and Vitimin D from the sun helps you absorb everything properly.
2. Eat properly. For me that was two slices of sour dough with avocado and lemon and a skinny cap for breakfast, a healthy salad sandwich of some sort for lunch, lots of Asian salad, steamed fish, tuna, apples, nut bars and small fruit tubs. I found sugar and cheese made my stomach swell and I stopped drinking alcohol – not that I really drank that much to start with. 😉
3. And I say this with love. Get a life. That means do things that you love for you and your own identity, not for approval from others, and not in prep to be a mother or a wife… Because you’re not just those things, you’re a woman too. For me it was career and self expression through fashion and wealth building.
4. Control what you can and improve yourself as a person in those areas. If you suck with $ for example, think about whether that’s the example you would like to set for your child. Focus on bettering yourself. Having a child is a fabulous responsibility, but it is real. And they will learn much more from watching how you live than by listening to what you say.
5. Know there will be a child, when he or she picks you… there is a reason… life’s probably just preparing you with that last step, so you can be an even better parent when it does.
6. Turn your brain off. It takes time to learn, but you will learn to.
x Your writing gets better each time you post. It’s lovely how many women you can touch with your words. 😊
👍🏻 spot on!
I fell pregnant straight away but had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, and then it took exactly a year to fall pregnant again. Both dealing with the miscarriage and the monthly planning and waiting almost broke me.
But when I put my boy on my chest and was overcome with love, one thought went through my head so clearly. This is EXACTLY as it was meant to be.
Sometime life has smarter plans that your own. 😘
Kyree, hang in there girl. You will make the most wonderful mother when the time comes. I’m a huge fan of your web and insta. I married young, at 20 and had my first Aimee at 23 and my “baby boy” Nathan is now 17. I was lucky as I fell pregnant quite quickly both times. But I know of plenty of women who have taken longer to conceive. My sister in law, a single woman had my nephew at 42 nearly three years ago via ivf. Relax and enjoy your holiday with hubby, it may be just what you need. All the best to you both.
Oh kyree this made me cry.. brought me right back to before me and my hubby had our first bub.. it took us 3 years to finally fall pregnant with him. Eventually it will happen and on a more positive note when we started trying for our second it only took a week
I said to my friends the other day that I feel like I lost my 30s to trying to make a baby and whilst I now have my Molly nothing will ever ease the month after month of trying, the miscarriages and the failed IVF’s. You are doing everything right and even though I don’t really think G-d is responsible for our ability to fall pregnant it does give us time to reflect and appreciate one another especially in those first years of marriage! Stay strong and have hope it will eventually happen.