Isn’t it funny how when you’re pregnant, everyone around you seems to say the “wrong things”!?! It might just be your raging hormones (mine rage on the daily) but as soon as you announce you’re growing a life, every woman will overwhelm you with their “correct, right, damn-straight-perfect”opinions. I get that it’s a seriously tough gig at times, BUT here’s FIVE things NOT to say to another momma-to-be. So you don’t scare and confuse the absolute crapola out of us.
1. Don’t tell her “she’s looking fat”. Yeh ok, we are putting on weight. I’m no genius, but I think it’s because we’re growing a life inside our bodies? You know, two legs, a giant head and all that fluid floating around? Possibly the reason for stacking on those kilos I reckon (no shit Sherlock). Do people expect us to stay thin as sticks and just grow a basketball on our fronts? Seriously people, stay away from the “larger than life” comments because we don’t need to be reminded that our waist is exploding on the daily. If we want to enjoy that extra Tim-Tam while baby kicks our ribs every five minutes, THEN BLOODY WELL LET US.
2. Don’t put a downer on the “Birth”. Our choices about the birth process, is just that. OUR CHOICES. Don’t throw in your two cents about what’s the “right way and wrong way”. Because lets face it, every single pregnancy that has ever graced this earth has ended in a different labour experience. If we want to go natural then all the power to us, if we want to have the drugs to take the pain away, then don’t you dare judge. Just because you may have “enjoyed your natural labour” don’t judge someone else who was “traumatised” by theirs.
3. Don’t go on about how your “home won’t be the same again”. Yeh, Yeh, we get that our homes will change drastically and we are fully aware that it will be a messy, grubby, hair pulling out existence at times. But you really don’t need to bang on about it every chance you get. Like you’re trying to rub it in our faces that our lounges will always be covered in poop for the rest of our miserable lives. Every home environment is different in so many ways, so don’t assume our parenting experience or our state of home will be identical to yours.
4. Don’t judge “boob vs bottle”. Again, not everyone has the same beliefs as you do about breast vs bottle feeding, so be careful when you discuss this around new mums. How a mum feeds her baby is HER choice- not yours to put a damper on with a negative opinion. Don’t assume you know “everything there is to know” about feeding, just because you’ve been a parent for all of five minutes or even a decade. leave your opinions at the door when you see a friend, and support and encourage our decisions.
5. Don’t take the piss out of a “baby name choice!” If parents choose to announce their baby name to you BEFORE the baby is born, and you really don’t like it, then bite your bloody tongue and say nothing. SAY NOTHINGGGG. Parents can spend endless hours deciding over a name choice, they don’t need negative nancy to come up with a stupid nick-name, saying it sounds like a stripper or to hear that you don’t approve. Mum and Dad-to-be are excited about the name choice, and they have every right to be! It’s not your baby after all, so your opinion on the name can go stick it!
Now you are aware of the “Rules & Regs”, lets all just focus on being positive, kind, supportive and loving towards mums who are tirelessly growing a wee human. Can someone pass me that Tim-Tam now please? xxx
Ahh Kyree, I agree with you on every single one of these five points! I wanted to write a similar blog post when I was pregnant too! Isn’t it funny how as soon as you get pregnant and/or have a baby, everyone feels like they have the right to comment on every single little thing about you – what you look like, your size, how you’re feeding him, what you’re doing, what you’re eating (“Yes, I’m having a coffee and a soft-boiled egg for breakfast at a cafe, yes, I’m okay with it, I can’t keep anything down so I’m probably going to throw it up in the next half hour anyway, and no, it’s none of your business what I want to eat or drink!” My other pet peeve was going out for a lovely dinner and having people just tell you horror birthing story after horror birthing story. I heard so many “scary stories” from the negative nancies that when I actually gave birth I was actually relieved, that wasn’t anywhere near as horrific as I was expecting!
When I was pregnant, I also hated people saying, in dark, dire tones, “sleep now while you can… you’ll NEVER sleep again” as if you could store up sleep or something, and also “go to the movies with your husband now while you can. YOU WILL NEVER WATCH A MOVIE EVER AGAIN” etc…. haha. Um, that’s not true.
One more little thing – your lovely house (which I mentioned in my blog post today!)… don’t let it get to you when people tell you your house is “never going to be clean again” etc. I think, if something is a priority to you, whether it be keeping your house clean and tidy, or working out, or cooking, or special time with your husband, even if you have a baby, I think you’ll find a way to make it happen. Like you said, people should not assume “everything there is to know” ” about everything baby-related! Everyone and every experience is different!
I’ve got one to add! Since I’ve been pregnant almost everyone I’ve announced to has asked if it was planned or if it was an accident! I’m honestly shocked. Seems like a pretty personal thing to ask but everyone feels like it’s their business! Don’t ask a pregnant woman if her pregnancy was a mistake. It’s not your business. Ahh the hormones, they rage! 🙂
Agree with all 5 of your must not say to pregnant women – well said. Every pregnancy, every person and every parent is different and entitled to their own opinion. I say do what feels right for you and your partner.
Yep,agree with your all these five points,I just had a baby 4 months ago so these were the same things people were telling me and one more thing I had a gap of 5 years between my both daughters by my choice and in those 5 years people keep asking me when you are going to have another one,it’s really irritating,like its our baby our choice who the hell are you to keep asking and advising me to get another one.
It seems they gonna look after the baby.
So all the people around there please mind your own business don’t ask anyone about their baby planning.
It’s my opinion