This Sunday is my very first ever Mother’s Day since Alaska has been earth side. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at another commercial-money-making-celebration, but screw that negativity because I’m so FRIGGEN EXCITED! I’m excited to be celebrating my new role in this world, becoming a Mama has been my greatest achievement and has totally filled my heart with an abundance of love I didn’t know was possible. I’m so proud to still be here, alive, semi dressed and rocking this new motherhood gig with my head almost firmly screwed on!!!
BUT I’m not going to lie, there’s been “mama-moments” that make me laugh even when I feel like bawling my eyes out! Here’s a list that we women go through that totally make us ” MUM-AS-FUCK”.
You curse the radio when all fifty stations have annoying friggen commercials on. Like hellooooooo play some music for myyyyy child or screaming will happen!!!!!!!
Competing in motherhood like you’re in the god-damn-olympics. No wonder we’re all bloody tired, we all do it, don’t lie! You feel guilty ALLL THE TIMEEE cos your baby is bottle fed, breast fed, under weight, over weight, crawling too early, not crawling enough, co sleeping, sleeping in their own bed, over dressed, under dressed, eating packet foods, eating home made. God help us if someone sees us doing “the wrong thing” We can’t bloody win #insertEYEROLL!
You have a giant bucket of napisan soaking baby clothes ERRRYYYDAYYY. That washing machine hasn’t ever worked as hard!
Baby wipes are your best friend. You use them for ERRYYYTHANG! Wiping the car dash, wiping the couch down, wiping dirty kids faces. I may or may not have used them on my own bum too!
Hair starts falling out! Like ummm WTF! When it starts coming out in clumps and you swear you’re going bald by the end of the month.
A random kid starts crying so your boobs freak the eff out and start leaking like mad. It’s usually when you’ve forgotten the breast pads and you’re standing in the supermarket or at the petrol pump- of course it’s when your leaking boobs are on show for the world to see.
You start groping yourself in public when your boobs are full ready for a feed! That full tingly feeling takes you by surprise so you grab them forgetting the world can see you fondling yourself!
You rock ALL. THE. TIME! When you’re baby is no where in sight you still rock back and forth or move the pram when it’s empty.
Having post baby sex for the first time is scary assss fuckkkk! A not so mini human exited your vagina, of course it’s gonna make you squirm thinking about it! You start thinking when the time is near, maybe if you keep your eyes closed long enough at bedtime, he might not even see me & we can put it off for another night or five. At the end of the day it’s totally fine and you’re super glad it’s over and done with but that lead up in your head is crazyyyy painful ahaha Alaska will only have one sibling at this rate!!!!
Shaving your legs or arm pits or waxing your brows is a laughable past time. Who the hell has enough time to shower let alone prune the hairy bushes!
You spend money on your kids like there’s no end to that money tree, yet when it comes to buying for YOU, you pretty much have a heart attack when you look at price tags. ABANDON CART, ABANDON CART!!! You most likely have a million products in carts waiting to purchase online, but let’s be real, you’re never going to buy!
Chocolate or toast for dinner is totally acceptable. Who has time for dishes anyway and real food is totally overrated.
Spew and poop on your clothes is your most worn daily accessory! You don’t even bat an eyelid to it now.
You eat your dinner like a pig in a trough in record time because you know your kid will want to be held right then and there!
You can wipe away drool and boogers with your hand without being grossed out. Once a upon a time that shit would have made you dry reach!
Making the bed was a luxury thing of the past! When you do get around to making it, with fresh sheets as well, you send a photo to your hubby asking for gratitude, a trophy or a bloody medal for your amazing efforts!
You discover a new intense love for your baby daddy! Seeing him with your babies is totally ovary exploding and you didn’t realise a love like that could ever be real!
Your coffee or tea is ALWAYS cold. You drink it that way cos you know you’d pay an arm and a leg for something that fancy at a cafe!
You whinge and whine mainly in your head on the daily about the littlest things, even though you know what ever it is, is really not that bad. And at the end of the day you finally fall into bed and think how lucky AS FUCK you are to be a Mama at all and wouldn’t change it for the world!
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mamas, Mamas to be and to our future mamas who we are sending baby dust to in bucket loads!!!
Follow on Instagram @MissKyreeLoves for more shits & giggles xxx
I don’t understand why so many ppl online these days blog and talk about “mum guilt” like it is a universal thing, that the majority experience it. I personally never experienced this with any of my babies and after digging have found that this “mum guilt” is the minority not the majority. There are many of us who feel solidly comfortable with the choices we are making, not to say there aren’t stuff ups because there definitely are, but that’s the learning experience and it isn’t a guilt thing. The ppl I spoke to who did have this guilt have said that in hindsight it was because they knew deep down that they didn’t 100% believe in some of the choices they had made, and instead of listening to others should have listened to themselves. So I would urge anyone out there that if they feel guilty don’t sit and mope and tell people you’re guilty, think about what in particular is MAKING you feel guilty and then explore why. A lot of the time the guilt stems from a choice you have made you don’t 100% back. There’s an epidemic where too many mothers are seeing this term on the internet and suddenly “catching” it. I’d like to see the term “mum guilt” disappear.
Floppin hilarious azzzzz blog! All true & all worth it! Classic pics, specially the vom face🤣
Bloody freekin brilliant
Such a lovely and very truthful post! My first little one is only 7 weeks old so I’m starting to see all these things too. Especially the rocking even when I’m not holding her or there’s no baby in the pram!!
So true! This will be my 9th Mothers Day and I’ve just welcomed my third daughter (3girls❤️❤️❤️) on Valentine’s Day and I’m doing all the above as well as trying to be a cool school mum with manky bananas in school bags, scrunched up unreadable school notes and the beginning of a tweenager residing in the former cute kids room. So motherhood is wonderful with all its different intermixed stages! To all the mummies out there 🍾🎉💕
Haha love this 🙌🏼 First time mama & first Mother’s Day 🙋 Amen to all the mama life truth above !!
Brilliant list. I’m counting this as my first Mother’s Day too. Last year Bub was about a week old. I spent most of the time crying because of mummy hormones and was still recovering from surgery. This one will be much more fun. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you! Enjoy.
What a beautiful, funny and truthful list. I’ve been quietly giggling to myself so I don’t wake the sleeping baby. It’s my first Mother’s Day too and I can’t wait!! X