As my second official Mums day approaches, i’ve been reflecting on the amazing 16 months i’ve had with my gorgeous-whirl-wind-award-winning-tantrum-thrower-divine-baby girl. Last year I posted a blog on what makes us Mum-AF, so I thought i’d add to it this year as I dive deeper into the crazy journey that is mother hood. I’m not going to lie, there’s been “mama-moments” that make me laugh even when I feel like bawling my eyes out! Here’s a list that we women go through that totally make us ” MUM-AS-FUCK”.
You Know You’re MUM-AF When…
- Mama guilt. Yeh, it’s a bitch! Have the kids eaten healthy today? Are they getting enough Park time? Do I spend enough quality time with them? Do I buy them enough? Every little thing you think of daily usually ends in some type of MAMA GUILT! Yuck!
- You curse the radio when all fifty stations have annoying friggen commercials on. Like hellooooooo play some music for myyyyy child or screaming will happen!!!!!!!
- Competing in motherhood like you’re in the god-damn-olympics. No wonder we’re all bloody tired, we all do it, don’t lie! You feel guilty ALLL THE TIMEEE cos your baby is bottle fed, breast fed, under weight, over weight, crawling too early, not crawling enough, co sleeping, sleeping in their own bed, over dressed, under dressed, eating packet foods, eating home made. God help us if someone sees us doing “the wrong thing” We can’t bloody win #insertEYEROLL
- You have a giant bucket of napisan soaking kids clothes ERRRYYYDAYYY. That washing machine hasn’t ever worked as hard!
- Baby wipes are your BEST FRIEND. You use them for ERRYYYTHANG! Wiping the car dash, wiping the couch down, wiping dirty kids faces, wiping YOUR makeup off. I may or may not have used them under my arms too
- Hair starts falling out! Like ummm WTF! When it starts coming out in clumps and you swear you’re going bald by the end of the month.
- You start groping yourself in public when your boobs are full ready for a feed! That full tingly feeling takes you by surprise so you grab them forgetting the world can see you fondling yourself!
- You rock ALL. THE. TIME! When you’re baby is no where in sight you still rock back and forth or move the pram when it’s empty.
- Having post baby sex for the first time is scary assss fuckkkk! A not so mini human exited your vagina or through the sunroof, of course it’s gonna make you squirm thinking about it! You start thinking when the time is near, maybe if you keep your eyes closed long enough at bedtime, he might not even see you & can put it off for another night or five. At the end of the day it’s totally fine and you’re super glad it’s over, but that lead up in your head is crazyyyy painful LOL
- Shaving your legs or arm pits or waxing your brows is a laughable past time. Who the hell has enough time to shower let alone prune the hairy bushes!
- You spend money on your kids like there’s no end to that money tree, yet when it comes to buying for YOU, you pretty much have a heart attack when you look at price tags. ABANDON CART, ABANDON CART!!! You most likely have a million products in carts waiting to purchase online FOR YOU, but let’s be real, you’re never going to buy!
- You count down the minutes until bedtime all day and then when they are in bed YOU MISS THEM and are probably scrolling through photos of them too.
- You hide in the cupboard, as quiet as a mouse, just to eat that piece of cake SOLO. Your food, will never just be YOURS again.
- You can wipe away drool and boogers with your hand without being grossed out. Once a upon a time that shit would have made you dry reach!
- Making the bed was a luxury thing of the past! When you do get around to making it, with fresh sheets as well, you send a photo to your hubby asking for gratitude, a trophy or a bloody medal for your amazing efforts!
- You discover a new intense love for your baby daddy! Seeing him with your babies is totally ovary exploding and you didn’t realise a love like that could ever be real!
- Your coffee or tea is ALWAYS cold. You drink it that way cos you know you’d pay an arm and a leg for something that fancy at a cafe!
- You always said you’d never be that Mum who let your kids play with technology, BUT now you’ll gladly give them your iPhone just to be able to eat or drink that coffee in peace.
- You always said you’d be that mum who only fed their kid the healthiest of healthy foods. Now you’d be grateful for them to eat those chicken nuggets, just so they’d actually eat!
- By 9am you’ve dealt with 4156725 devilish tantrums, but haven’t managed to get dressed or eat properly yet!
- You embrace those squeezie tight cuddles and infectious loveable giggles because you know time is fleeting and they’ll be off to Uni or dating before you know it!
- You hear MUMMM, MUMMMMM, MUMMMM all day long, every day and you will for the rest of your life.
- You whinge and whine mainly in your head on the daily about the littlest things, even though you know what ever it is, is really NOT THAT BAD. And at the end of the day you finally fall into bed and think how lucky AS FUCK you are to be a Mama at all and WOULDN’T CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD!
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mamas, Mamas to be and to our future mamas who we are sending baby dust to in bucket loads!!
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mamas, Mamas to be and to our future mamas who we are sending baby dust to in bucket loads!!
This post is in no way sponsored. All words, imagery & thoughts are completely my own. Don’t forget to stop by my Instagram page for more inspo, shits & giggles.
I bloody love this! And love the three last points… they make up for ALL t
he others!
I absolutely love this post!!!! Everything you have written I can relate to so much. Thank you for being so honest with your writing, I couldn’t have explained motherhood better myself. You and your daughter are so beautiful, I love everything you do. You rock Mumma!!