Now that we have been in a complete baby-bliss-bubble for the past month (complete with sleepless nights, endless baby spew & a zillion kisses), I thought it was time I write down our sons birth story, before it starts fading in my mind. Loxley Nash, he’s the most perfectly, squishy and delicious little soul and we really can’t believe that he’s here, but also can’t believe how fast time is racing!
Photographer Kellie Sinclair (our amazing family photographer) CONTACT
Hypnobirthing – My Saving Grace
The gorgeous Renee from The Birth Space (Hypnobirthing Australia) reached out to me when we first announced we were expecting again. This was perfect timing as I had been eagerly wanting to try Hypnobirthing since my first birth with Alaska was rather traumatic. I really can’t boast enough about how incredible this course was. Renee came to our house at night while Alaska was asleep, for private classes. This meant we could solely focus on the information in the comfort of our own home.
At first, Ben wasn’t overly thrilled. His impression of Hypnobirthing was that it was exactly that, hippy and weird as fuck! Boy was he spun out after the first class finished. We both sat in our lounge completely mind blown, rolling on an adrenaline high, excited to implement what we had already learnt.
The main things we took away from doing these classes, was learning that Hypnobirthing IS NOT hippy, but in fact completely science based. It was also eye opening to learn that the reason we have so much fear about birth in general is down to how it’s portrayed in the media, in movies, other peoples reactions about pain etc. If we only learnt to recondition our mindset and change our terminology, then our brains will help us to relax, to embrace and to be empowered during the birthing process. Instead of freak the fuck out like we are expected to!
Hypnobirthing isn’t just about encouraging natural births, it’s actually teaching you a more positive way of life. Giving you incredibly powerful life skills to deal with situations that will sometimes, be out of our control. Not all births go to plan, this is one very real and very important thing to take on board. I was opting for a water birth with no intervention, but what took place was the complete opposite. Instead of feeling discouraged and depressed about this, we put all our hypnobrithing techniques into place and still had a magically calming birth experience.
Every birth is different, there’s not two alike! We wanted to be content with how ever baby came earth side- no regrets or disappointment. If we needed to have a C section, then we would. If we needed other types of intervention during labour, then that was fine too. However YOU birth YOUR baby is part of YOUR journey and YOUR story. Our goal and intention was to ensure we came out the other side happy regardless of what happened.
Throughout my first trimester, I continued to bleed. I first thought I was miscarrying but was finally told at 16 weeks that I had a large subcnrionic hematoma, this was sitting above the baby. All the medical professionals basically told me there was a huge change that I would loose the baby at any time. I was on strict bedrest for two weeks in the hope that it would shrink. This then put me in the high risk category and I needed to have fortnightly scans to monitor the size of the hematoma. At 24 weeks, the hematoma completely vanished, no where to be seen at all so we were completely over the moon!
Our Big Baby- When It All Changed
The whole regular scan thing for me, was something that I really needed to internally work through. It was frustrating to learn that baby was “going to be” BIG and that this “would” limit our birthing preferences. Most women stop having scans after 20 weeks, so they really wouldn’t be aware if their babies would be on the larger size, until their babies are actually in their arms. If I didn’t have the subchrionic hematoma, then I too wouldn’t have been made aware of the size and I could have continued on in my pregnancy non the wiser. Maybe I would have been less stressed, maybe I would have felt in more control, maybe there would have been less fear pushed into both Ben and my minds.
But during these regular scans, they also discovered baby was consistently growing ahead by four weeks each time. This meant they wanted to continue scanning me, monitoring baby’s size, up until his/ her birthday.
We were basically told by everyone around us that women can’t birth HUGE babies. Everyone has basically been conditioned to think that it’s near on impossible. OR if they do, then there will be serious complications or serious vaginal trauma. If I had a dollar for every time someone could make the comment “oh you’ll have to have a C section” or “shit that’s going to hurt like a bitch, your vagina will be ruined for life”. That continual discouragement really is painful. I get that’s what we think we “know” will be the truth, but the truth is, I proved everyone wrong and it actually can be done without all the negatives!
To C Section OR To Push
At my 37 week scan, baby was measuring 5.2kgs. I was thinking holly hell, this can’t be right, how am I going to push this giant out of my hooha if baby continues to grow. Our doctor and midwives strongly suggested to be induced at 39 weeks. This was again, something that wasn’t included in our birthing preferences. My dream water birth- when my body is ready- no intervention-plan was slipping through our hands.
But by implementing all of our Hypnobirthing techniques and talking through our options with Renee and my midwives, we made the decision to go with the induction. We were completely and utterly at peace with this decision, it didn’t alter our positive mindset one bit. Yes it scared us a little, as the risks were very real too. But we were still completely content with our choice, we respected there could be risks, but I also had faith in what my body was capable of doing.
Baby Is Coming
I was having full blown back to back surges that would last all night, for almost a week straight. Because I’d been through this with Alaska’s birth, we knew not to rush into hospital and to ride it out at home for as long as my body would allow. But every morning, almost to the minute, the surges would completely stop and die in the arse! I would usually be disheartened by this, but I was at ease knowing it was my body getting ready.
I went in for the induction with my bags ready to stay the night. They did an internal to prep me for the gel or cervidil BUT they said I could go home as my body could possibly go into natural labour over night all on its own. If I didn’t, then I was booked to go back in first thing in the morning to have my waters broken. That night I continued to have strong surges and really thought I would be heading in on our own. Between each surge I was so excited as I visualised what my body was doing. I would be having a baby tonight!
Just like clock work, the surges again died in the arse by morning. But that was ok, we were still ready and prepared to have some help to bring baby into the world. We arrived at the hospital at 8am and my gorgeous midwife and OB were waiting for us. We were taken straight into the birthing sweet where Ben starting setting up our diffuser with my favourite oils, he cranked our Spotify playlist and prepped me with my pillow from home.
Internals for me in my first pregnancy were extremely painful, I’d go as far as saying they were really traumatic. I had them frequently, they bloody hurt, I felt uncomfortable and I always bled. But this time, every internal I had, I took myself deep into a safe place, relaxed like I was melting into the bed and breathed correctly until they were done. There was never any pain. After my waters were broken I actually laughed with a giant smile and thanked my OB for being so gentle. We then asked to have an hour to be able to walk around and see if I would start surging on my own.
10am rolled around and nothing was happening naturally so they hooked me up and started the drip to get things going. By 10:15am things were fast tracked and I had back to back surges again.
Gimme All Da Drugs
At 11:30am, I begged Ben to get me an epidural. My midwife suggested I try the gas first but I hated this with my first labour. I wasn’t getting a break between the heavy surges and I just knew what my body’s limit was. I envisioned another possibly 15 hours of this synthetic pain and needed some relief to help me through.
So, I now had stretch and sweeps, my waters broken, syntocin running through my system, catheter in me, strapped to the bed with monitors and an epidural. All of the things we had planned NOT to have, yet here we were making the CHOICE to have it all. All was still ok!
The epidural only took the edge off each surge. I was still moving around the bed and they were getting more and more intense. I knew when I was having one and so did Ben. With each surge Ben would spray me with clary sage, or use light touch to take my mind into a more focused positive zone. He would move between stroking my hair, placing a heat pack onto my back, massaging my shoulders, giving me water, and again spraying more oils into the air to relax me. He was a birthing partner machine! I didn’t have to speak, he did all the verbal communicating. I concentrated on what my body was doing and completely focused on visualising opening up like a blooming flower (yep, that’s all I could imagine). I knew with every surge, it meant my body was working on bringing my baby further down and out into my arms.
Granny (my mummy) had our daughter Alaska and was making sure she was having the time of her life. She usually notices when we aren’t around, so Granny made sure she had a really special day! Granny kept Ben updated with videos of their day. I re watched them over and over and that helped to get my endorphins flowing and to encourage me to stay relaxed.
Acoustic covers was still playing soothly in the background. Kellie my family photographer was sneakily snapping away candid shots. I was still smelling my oils with my head phones in listening to my Hypnobirthing tracks. I was in a trance like state, watching myself breath slowly, yet still taking in what was going on around me.
I felt like this immediate urge to poo! There was this intense pressure on my behind that I just KNEW baby was sitting low and ready to be birthed. I could feel my body transitioning and I was excited. Ben was excited. There was this eerily calm excitement buzzing through the room. Jax my midwife made comment about how calming the room was compared to the others in the hospital. There were other women down the hall screaming bloody murder, this would normally scare me and spike my anxiety. Instead it increased my excitement, I just wanted to start pushing too so I could hold my baby!
By 4:45pm my OB checked me and was surprised that I could start pushing! So with my legs pushing on both Ben and my midwifes sides, with my hands tightly gripping my thighs, I began bearing down with each surge. I could feel everything, despite having the epidural, it didn’t restrict me. I was still in control with my body and I was calling the shots!
Baby’s head slipped in and out. I was still calm and silent, I focused intensely on all of the things we had learnt in the previous months. I focused on my breathing, this would instantly take me into my zone. I felt completely empowered. I felt like even though I’d had all of this intervention, I was still in control of everything. I knew when to bear down, no one had to tell me when to. With each surge I would picture holding our baby on my naked chest which made bearing down that much easier. After each surge I was laughing and my endorphins and adrenaline were racing in my body.
Finally baby’s head came over the lip and stayed, the burning ring of fire is real and raw and beautiful all at the same time. I NEEDED to keep pushing, I remember losing my shit right about now but both my OB and midwife begged me to stop and slow down. But my body was on a roll and I couldn’t stop. Bearing down came naturally and I couldn’t control that urge. I’m pretty sure this is when and why I tore. I should have listened and slowed my breathing. but baby came slipping out, I let out a giant howl in relief. About the only sound I made the entire day.
Baby Is A BOY!
As soon as baby came out sliding out, they placed him onto my chest. Ben was the first to see what baby was, he cried IT’S A BOY!!! He held my face, while I held our son, and he told me how proud and in love he was all over again.
I sobbed and laughed and screamed I DID IT, I BLOODY DID IT! I was just so impressed with my body and with my strong mind set. I listened to my body and made the best decision for me and baby. Of course I always respected the medical advice and always agreed that no matter what, what ever needed to happen, we would agree to. But right here, in that very moment, we were all on a complete high from watching my body give birth.
Loxley Nash came earth side at 5:36pm, weighing almost 11lbs (4.93kgs) 56cm, 38cm head, everyone in the room including my OB was in shock. The scans predicting baby’s weight were bang on correct PLUS I birthed him like a boss!!! He was so deliciously squishy and still smothered in that glorious white vernix (he was big and not even fully baked yet!). We were instantly in love and I couldn’t stop kidding his puffy cheeks!
I was doing skin to skin and delayed cord clamping when they told me I had a 3rd degree tear. They said not to worry as I’d be in good hands in surgery. I honestly didn’t care, I couldn’t feel it and I was on this indescribably high that no one, not even the thought of surgery could burst me from. The only thing I struggled with, was moving from my bed, onto the surgery bed. That was rough and bloody painful!
Loxley was perfect. He had rolls, on top of rolls and little curly fluff on his head. He had to be monitored for a little while and he did skin to skin with his daddy while I was wheeled off to surgery. He had a very bruised face from being squeezed out, but that faded the following day.
Everyone’s reaction to Loxley’s birth is pretty much the same, shock and they all hold their fannys with the thought of the pain I must have went through/ still having. But honestly, I haven’t been in any pain. After surgery and since then, no pain at all. I’ve only experienced discomfort and swelling which made it really hard to walk properly for the first week or two. Sitting down was uncomfortable because it felt like I had a giant ball attached to my behind too. But other than that, I’ve healed really well and quickly. With baby #2 you really don’t have a choice but to just get on with life as per normal. There’s no time to be a sooky la la ahaha.
The one piece of advice I’d love for mums to take away from my experience, is to listen to your body and know your experience doesn’t have to be a scary one. I truly believe I had a horrible recovery with Alaska due to how stressed I was during her birth. I was tense, stressed, anxious, scared and resisted with every surge! I was so scared of what to expect, I was scared of the pain that everyone talks about. This meant my body was not relaxed or ready to give birth and therefore made recovery hard physically. If you can train your mind to be more positive and go in to your birth with excitement, relaxed, breathing correctly, with the best possible support, then you’ll have a completely different birthing experience. Of course there’s going to be the traditional “pain”. I’m not at all saying birth isn’t painful, but you can definitely have a wonderful birthing experience with the right frame of mind. I really do thank Hypnobirthing Australia for helping both Ben and I change the way we look at birth.
If there’s any other questions, leave them below and I’ll answer them and add them here.
- Photographer Kellie Sinclair (our amazing family photographer) CONTACT
- Hypnobirthing Australia – Renee The Birth Space CONTACT (highly recommend the personal private classes)
- My bra I birthed in – Bimby n Roy wearing small (no discount sorry) BUY HERE
- Oils we used by Hym To Her – The birthing essentials kit BUY HERE
This blog is in no way sponsored. The Birth Space gifted their services in exchange for a professional collaboration with Miss Kyree Loves. Images taken by the talented Kellie as linked above.
All words, creativity & thoughts are completely my own.
Don’t forget to stop by my Instagram page for more inspo, shits & giggles.
Loxley’s Birth Story