Alaska Luxe Birth Story

Now that Alaska has finally been earth side for almost a week, I wanted to sit down and reflect on her birth story to record every emotion and all the events that lead to her birth.

Please remember that each birth experience is unique and different and there’s no “right or wrong way.” Any negativity will be deleted right away

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We all have this image in our head of how birth “might” go. I went in to this experience with an open mind knowing that a birth plan is just a piece of paper, it would never be played out perfectly like a flawless script. We still imagined how it “might” play out though, the not knowing and not having control can be really draining (especially for control freaks/anxiety prone peeps like myself).

We would often discuss all the possibilities; Where would we be when my waters broke, would my waters even break, would we be scared shitless and panic all the way to the hospital, or would we ride it out as much as we could through each contraction at home until we ventured in calmly to the hospital. We didn’t want drugs, but only if my midwife insisted I needed them. I wanted a water birth and to be mainly in the shower, because I know water helps me through my sever period pains. I wanted only both our parents waiting for us instead of our giant family. I wanted to be naked, walking freely around the room, not tied up to anything and absolutely NO intervention (unless absolutely neccessary). These were all the things we thought we could control- How bloody wrong was I.

Our birth experience with Miss Sass was nothing but the complete opposite to what we had both imaged. To say i’m slightly traumatised and overwhelmed by it all is pretty close to how i’m now feeling. Traumatised by how it all played out so erratically and out of my control and overwhelmed with how much love both ben and I have for this little human WE CREATED!!!

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Saturday 10th December. 
Had period type cramps all throughout the day and I kept whinging to Ben how nauseous I was feeling. I was getting shooting pains up my left leg into my groin and each time it made me stop in my tracks and wince. By 10pm I was having full blown regular contractions. I called my best friend Sherise and explained what was happening. She told me to start timing them and by 11pm they were coming every 3 minutes and lasting 40 seconds. I called the hospital just to let them know I may be in labour and was told to ride it out at home until the pain was unbearable and that’s when we were to go in. I got off the phone and was actually excited. I was excited to finally be in labour, to be finally meeting out little love possibly in the next day. Ben remained semi calm and sat with me on the bed repeating over and over “omg this is it, wholly shit this is it”.

I went to the toilet and heard a loud POP. I yelled out to Ben “that was so weird, I just heard this weird pop down near my vajajay.” Shrugged it off, stood up and walked into my bathroom. A gush of clear liquid poured out of me. “SHIT MY WATERS JUST BROKE” I screamed out to Ben. We both inspected it, it smelt like chlorine, but it was a fairly small puddle to what we had imagined. While Ben cleaned my clear mess up like an awesome hubby he is, I phoned the hospital again to let them know. They asked me to come in right away due to chance of possible infection.

The drive to the hospital was oh so bloody calm. After each contraction I pretty much had a smile on my face. This is EXACTLY how I pictured this. Just the two of us driving in to the hospital on a wild adventure to meet our wee baby!!! Listening to my husband telling me to work on my breathing made me, in those seconds, so darn happy it was him that was by my side. The contractions hurt like hell but I was so proud of my body for doing it’s thang and getting ready to push out a human. I always thought i’d be scared and freak out, but I was surprising calm and at peace with the pain.

At the hospital the midwife on duty strapped me up the monitors and did an internal exam. I was only 1cm dilated and you could clearly see my contractions rising fiercely on the machine. She tested to see if my waters had broke and it came back negative. We were all stumped because I swore I hadn’t just pissed myself! I know my body and this certainly wasn’t urine. She told us baby was still posterior and to keep trying to flip him/her. She sent us home with some painkillers and told us to come back in when the pain got severe. I was pretty deflated after hearing this, I always knew it would be the case but I couldn’t have predicted how it would make us feel. We phoned my mum and explained what was going on. She had a 5 hour car ride to get to me so my dad packed her up and drove her down to Perth at 1am. We didn’t want to take any chances of her missing the birth.

That night the pain got so intense that I ended up in a steaming hot shower for over 3 hours. I just laid on the floor with a towel curled up as a pillow, moaning through each contraction like some wild animal in pain. The water felt incredible on my back as that’s where the majority of the pain was. It was 4am when I got out from the fear of overcooking my baby with so much heat. I took the panadene forte she gave me and managed to sleep an hour. When I woke up the contractions had completely disappeared. I was in complete shock, how the hell could they just GO like that? I was actually really disappointed with my body. Actually I was furious with my body. I had been “niggling” with contractions for over two weeks, had several stretch and sweeps due to being in spurious labour and even after going into what we thought was the real deal, it bloody wasn’t!!!

Sunday 11th  December.
I spent the day bouncing on the fit ball to try and turn this baby of ours. I kept begging out loud for my body to naturally go back into labour so it could do it’s thang-on it’s own!!! I worked on my breathing and tried to go back into my calm, tranquil state. By 4pm on the dot, the contractions had come back. They were back in full swing as if they hadn’t even disappeared. We waited at home for two hours until I cried to Ben to please take me to the hospital. I was so determined that this time, this was the real deal and that I would be more dilated because of the intensity of each contraction.

The hospital was so packed, full of women just like me being checked, or induced or about to push out a human. The on call midwife checked me over again. Still only 1cm and baby is still spine to spine- hence the back pain. Yep ONE EFFING CM!!! I swear I could have slapped her face when she told me that. She said ever so calmly “just go home and sleep it off”. Sleep it off? Go home again? Are you bloody joking woman!!! I’m in so much pain right now how can this NOT be the real deal and you want me to sleep it off? I called my personal midwife Diane and sobbed down the phone to her. I swear the other six labouring mums in the room thought I was the biggest wimp out! She could hear the frustration and desperation in my voice. She understood that for two weeks i’d been some what labouring, I was exhausted and she explained that my body just needed some encouraging to keep on going. We walked out of the hospital and I broke down again, I had to grasp onto each light pole on the walk to the car as each contraction was getting worse. We drove home for the second time, bawled my eyes out the entire way home. I just wanted the pain to either go away until my body was 100% ready to do it for real, OR for it to do it’s thang NOW so we could meet our wee one.

Monday 12th  December.
We drove back into the hospital at 7am to meet Diane. My personal midwife Di has to be the most calming human I know. I felt so safe and relaxed with her and I trusted everything she had to suggest. I was still contracting but not as fiercely. By this stage I had not slept since Friday night and I was ready to scream down anyones necks if they told me calmly to go home and sleep it off. Di examined me and said I was 2cm but still really high up and hard. Baby heart rate didn’t seem to healthy either so they were a little concerned that baby was in distress. She also checked for signs of my waters using this plastic thing that looked exactly like they use for papsmears. She confirmed she could see traces of white which would lead her to believe they had INDEED broken. However when tested again with their little test kits- Bloody friggen negative.  She could see how exhausted I was and was worried that if I had to go through this until my due date a week later then I wouldn’t have the energy to push. The doctor examined me internally (so that would make the tenth internal exam/prodding/probing in two weeks) and he agreed that my body needed a little push along!

I was to go back into the hospital that arvo where they would insert cervidil over night. On the drive home for the third time, instead of crying like a baby, I was finally calm again. Knowing there was a plan and the possibility of meeting my baby the following day was extremely empowering.

By 6pm the doctor had completed the 11th internal, done the third stretch and sweep and was now trying to insert the cervidil. My cervix was so high up that he was completely struggling hand deep inside!!! Ben had to hold my upper body down, stopping me from trying to ride up the bed and escape, he was begging me to breath properly. The doctor managed to finally insert it successfully and I was to now wait 12 hours for it to work.

I laid awake all night, listening to the sounds of the other women labouring in the ward, picturing myself in their shoes. I listened to the sound of baby heart beat thumping along like a sweet melody.

img_5132img_5134img_5140Tuesday 13th  December- Alaskas Birth Day
Ben and my mum arrived for 7am and there was an unexplainable excitement in the air. today was it, we would be working hard to get baby earth side. Even though I now hadn’t slept for three nights straight, I was overcome with so much adrenaline I just wanted to start labouring!!!

Di removed te cervidil by 8am and she said “it’s not worked. You’ve actually gone backwards to 1cm again.” All our hearts sank, I felt like my body was failing me and this never ending story was turning into a nightmare. Di didn’t waste any more time and moved us to the labouring ward where she tried to break my waters. Everything was so high up in my that she could only just scrape them.

At 10am she called the doctor in, she boasted about her roughness and effectiveness as she had 100% success rate. She was bloody right. I truly thought her hand was going to come out of my mouth as I screamed the hospital down in pain. I was squirming around all over the bed, with my legs trapped in the stirrups begging her to stop!!! The instant relief once they popped was AMAZING. The feeling of warm water rushing out of me was like nothing else. They noted the baby had pooped inside me and began to worry about baby being in distress.

They hooked my belly up to the monitors, inserted the Syntocin drip to bring on contractions and we waited. By 11am I was sitting on the fit ball under the hot shower, breathing heavily through each intense contraction. The IV drip stand to one side of me, my husband behind me with the steaming hot shower hose and the belly monitors at my front. By 12pm I was screaming for the gas. I needed something to help take the edge off the stinging back pain.

The gas at first was incredible. Every contraction I breathed in deeply and went into a seriously calm, serene state of mind. I was loving being in labour but dying at the same time. I felt powerful and motivated and so friggen strong. I felt like I could totally do this, a strong woman surfing through the pain and was coping like a champ.

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By 1pm though it was a different story. My contractions were angry, back to back with no break at all. The gas made me feel like I was utterly drunk or on drugs and I HATED how it was making me feel. I could feel my eyes rolling round and my voice sounded like the devils. Mum and Ben were tag teaming taking in turns to heat up both my heat packs. I swear there was a period where I blacked out as I just remember coming-to after a contraction and not remembering I was even on the gas. Di did an internal and I was still only 2 FUCKING CM!!! 4 hours of constant fierce, aggressive, nasty overlapping contractions that weren’t even doing anything internally!!!

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Di said she’d give it another two hours but then would have to possibly go in for a cesarian due to the baby pooping, being in distress and my body just not responding. Hearing this broke my heart and was completely terrifying. My idea of what our birth experience was going to be was completely slipping out of my fingers. By 1:30pm I was crying through each contraction instead of breathing. I was losing control and I needed to get a grip back into reality for me to make this work. The male midwife asked me what i’d like, I said “help me, anything HELP ME.” He showed me the information sheets for the epidural and I begged him to give it to me. He said I had to read over the information and I was rudely rolling my eyes on purpose to Ben and Mum. Looking back now, he was hilariously funny and very soothing calling my darling and encouraging me through each contraction. But in those minutes I wanted to punch him in the face and tell him to stop talking. He then asked if i’d read the information as the anaesthetist would need to ask questions. I yelled back rather aggressively  in my zombie like state “what, is he going to fucking quiz me or something.” Everyone laughed, but I didn’t see the funny side to it.

We waited over 45 minutes for the anaesthetist to get his ass into the room. That 45 minutes was a transitional period for me. I’d completely given up on my natural birth expectation, stopped powering through the controlled breathing and started going into freak out panic mode. I had my mind set on the epidural now and I couldn’t wait any longer for the pain relief. He waltzed into the room at 2:3opm and by 2:40 the needle was in and I was pain free!!!

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I was now strapped up confined to the bed. Catheter in, several belly monitors on, heart monitor on my finger, IV drip rushing through my system. I could still move my legs but I couldn’t feel contractions at all!! THE PAIN WAS GONE and I felt like my normal bubbly self again. Not my version of “naked walking around freely letting my body do it’s thang naturally” BUT it was a total relief to be out of such horrid pain.

The epidural was only light, I was given the power to push a button every time I wanted to inject more into my system. But I chose not to as I wanted to keep it as natural as I possibly could.

Shortly after the epidural was working its pain-free magic, Di did another exam (this had to have been the millionth time). I begged her to lie to me and just say it’s 8cm even if it wasn’t. She had this giant smile on her face and said “You’re 8cm yippee i’m not even fibbing.” Finally hearing something positive was like music to my ears, my body was finally responding and working hard to help get this baby earth side. Becoming so relaxed after being so tense, stressed and exhausted after four whole days was obviously what my body was craving.

They all agreed that I would most likely be able to start pushing by 10pm and baby would be here soon after. At 4pm I felt this strong urge to poo. There was this all mighty pressure sitting in my bum and all I kept saying was “Ummm guys, I seriously need to poo!” The midwives said it was the baby’s head pushing against everything down there and that was a great sign. This feeling started getting worse and I noticed that it was during each contraction from watching the monitors. I kept squirming all over the bed trying to get into a more comfortable position but it just wasn’t possible. At 6:40pm Di did another exam (by this stage I was bleeding like crazy from so much interference internally) and we were all so excited to hear I was FINALLY 10CM!!!!!

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I stripped naked. I can’t standdddd wearing clothes when i’m super stressed. I could feel pretty much everything apart from the intense contraction pains. Each contraction I would push, I bared down head onto my chest, legs pulled far back with both my hands, Ben behind me encouraging me to breath each time. The poo pressure feeling was moving down further and further. The only way I can describe this feeling was like I was extremely constipated and I was trying everything in my power to push it out, but it was stuck right at the end where there’s no going back! All i remember hearing each time was Di saying ” Two pushes and on the third push will make the difference.” This little encouragement really did help me focus on the goal of becoming a mummy.

img_5169I’d been pushing like this for almost an hour. I started to panic and forgot to breath the way I was meant to. My legs were cramping badly and I was flinging them around trying to get some relief. Instead of focusing on being this empowering, strong, woman who was more than capable of pushing out her baby, I started to panic like crazy. My arms were flapping about after each push, I was kicking both midwives, I was pulling Ben down over my shoulder into the pillows and growling like a friggen beast. I honestly felt defeated. By this stage I felt like I was having an out of body experience, totally light headed and not with it at all. From pure exhaustion I screamed I can’t do this any more and I honestly didn’t know how else to push baby out.

Di and the other midwife started to worry as baby and my heart rate were dropping drastically. The paediatrician was on stand by and I was told I may not be able to do skin to skin or delayed cord clamping as baby was in too much distress. Di demanded “Ky you NEED to get this baby out NOW.” Through the burning ring of fire, I remember staring at Di like I was staring into her soul and I started screaming like a crazy nut job “Someone fucking help me then, someone help me please. JUST FUCKING CUT ME, JUST CUT ME GOD DAMN IT PLEASE GOD.” So cut me they did. As soon as the cut was made, I gave one last push and baby came sliding out. It was like this instant relief and instant gratitude that someone had helped me as I just knew my body and I knew I wasn’t able to do it alone.

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Baby let out an all mighty cry, they lifted baby onto my bare chest and Ben was able to cut the giant cord (they said it was the fatest they had ever seen). It all happened so quickly!!! I was in complete shock that our baby, the baby we’d longed for, the baby we’d cried millions of tears for,the baby we’d baked away for 10 months was finally earth side and in my arms.

img_5203Baby was in fact a girl. Both Ben and I bawled our eyes out over discovering we had created a daughter (trying to appreciate my girl, whilst I was also throwing up from the drugs pumped into me). Even in her completely swollen state, she was just the most divinely beautiful creature we’d ever laid eyes on.

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I’m currently now recovering from what I personally feel was a rather traumatic experience. I totally understand that other women have gone through far worse. But for me, this was not what I had imagined and I do feel anxious when I think about how it ended up. I’m still extremely sore, I can’t walk properly at all and have to sit down every five minutes or I feel like my insides and vagina will quite literally fall out of me. I have wet myself more times than I can count because baby has stretched my insides more than my body was preparing for. I get the feeling I need to go, but have NO control what so ever! I will have to work on this through intense physio to get back to a normal state of control. I  did have stitches but they are healing perfectly. It’s the nasty bruising on my bones the size of a melon that’s causing so much pain down below.

A huge shout out to Diane at the Midwives Group Practice in Armadale. I adore you and thank you for looking after me and Alaska.

All of this led to a perfect baby that I get to call my own. I’m so unbelievably grateful that Alaska chose me to be her mummy. As awful as I felt this experience was for me and Ben, it was still a beautiful one as a BABY HUMAN was our reward. I’m sure that after a while all this will be a distant memory and i’ll be trying again for number two Bebe Harvey!!!

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78 Comments

  1. Justine
    December 19, 2016 / 9:58 pm

    You are incredible. This made me cry. You should be so proud of yourself. Don’t feel like you have to justify how traumatic it was cause ‘others may have it worse’ – ever. Inspired me for my birth in May – I have no idea what to expect but this makes me feel super strong as are you. Congratulations!

  2. melissa gasson
    December 19, 2016 / 9:44 pm

    Ooh i soo felt for you during this story. Those internals are a killer. Im pregnant with baby no.2 so it was interesting to read another version of a birth story. They are all so different. Im so glad she is here with you safe and sound but please look after yourself as much as possible. Your welfare and emotional state also needs time to heal and repair. She really is so adorable though 🙂

  3. Carolyn
    December 19, 2016 / 8:44 pm

    I was very teary reading this. Reminded me of my 1st & 3rd labours. 1st particularly was very similar & we had a whopper too (4.6kg). Well done mama give yourself lots of praise & go ahead & grieve for the labour you didn’t get..I was sick of hearing family telling me to be ‘grateful’ for having a baby but it’s our right to have a baby & we also have a right to feel disappointed in a labour that didn’t go so well. When we came home a week after I felt very alone with this baby that screamed non stop for the first 16 weeks. Little did I know he would go on to become severely anaphylactic to nuts (something I was eating handfuls of while feeding!!). Then the excruciating pain of breastfeeding which was for me worse than labour, gripped me for 6 weeks (as it did the 3rd time too). Enjoy every sleep-deprived moment as that yummy newborn stage goes so fast xox

  4. Tenika
    December 19, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    Thank you for sharing. Love the name. You did so well – she is gorgeous. Enjoy her. You’ll forget about the “experience” soon enough xx

  5. Leigh
    December 19, 2016 / 8:31 pm

    Reading your story took me right back to my daughters birth 5 years ago after which I also had a severe post partum haemorrhage.

    I believe that I ended up with ptsd and ended up on medication for anxiety. I think that if I had sought counselling from the beginning the outcome might have been different.

    It is so normal to feel traumatised, I know I did!!

    My 2nd birth was completely different, it was fast & I took advantage of the epidural so I got to actually feel present rather than out of it with pain.

    Thank you so much for being so open & sharing your story.

  6. Amy
    December 19, 2016 / 8:31 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I know that awful after birth feeling all too well!!! I have had three babies in just over three years, and had a second degree tear with each! That deep dragging ache down below is the worst.

    After baby number three I thought no more babies (but will hopefully have a fourth one day) because my bits felt so awful. It
    was probably a bit of anxiety too because all the older women in my life have had prolapses/ surgery.

    I describe the feeling as a deep ache that feels worse when standing or walking for too long and gets progressively worse as the day goes on.

    My third baby is seven weeks old now and it took about two weeks for the ache to subside. I feel normal now and have healed nicely.

    I find having babies to be slightly addictive. Every age and stage is so lovely that I just want to experience it all over again!

    Love from Adelaide, Amy

  7. Jenna
    December 19, 2016 / 8:09 pm

    I still find it a little crazy that i can have to much emotion reading this. I literally cried and laughed out loud in parts. What a champion you are. I’m not a mummy myself as yet but i think your story may stay in mind. Shes beautiful!

  8. December 19, 2016 / 8:03 pm

    SO AWESOME. I LOVED every word you wrote. And what a beautiful baby. I have given vaginal birth to my 4 babies, and I can honestly say that the epidural is the best thing EVER invented. You can actually enjoy your labor as opposed to feeling like you are going to split in half and die. I remember banging my head against the wall of the hospital room (pre-epidural) because it distracted me from the intense pain of the contractions. Haha. Anyway, good for you. You did amazing.

  9. Annie
    December 19, 2016 / 6:28 pm

    I’m a midwife and I read this and know only too well how this plays out and if it’s any consolation you did walk away quite well from the experience!
    Only recently having had an induction myself but having the opposite experience of a 2 hour labour I totally relate to that out of body experience as well. And when you decide to chose the epidural you feel like you’ve ‘given up’!
    Whilst I never got mine because it was so fast, I remember after choosing it, not being able to justify any pain after that point. But our bodies are amazing.
    I believe labour is 100% psychological. If I had known I only had 30 minutes of labour left I could have counted down and held off on wanting the epidural. But I see it all the time in my practice, women progressing really fast after they get the epidural because their bodies relax completely.
    Next time will be a completely different experience! Your body has done it now and it will be faster 🙂
    P.s. I found holding pressure on a pad on my va jay jay whilst pooping stopped me from feeling like my insides would fall outside!

  10. Tash
    December 19, 2016 / 6:13 pm

    Wow this birth story really hit home for me.. I had the exact thing happened exept I was at 3cm for three days then having an epidural and within an hour of that was 8cm and man I feel your psi and feeling of being traumatized. But as you say we are blessed with these amazing humans we created. My son is almost 3 and I still havnt home back for number 2 haha. XXxX sending you all the love

  11. Flikie
    December 19, 2016 / 5:48 pm

    I love this. Such a lovely story. Had tears dripping down my face lol. You did amazing! You have managed to grow and birth a very healthy Sass! I had similar experience with my second – big baby, posterior position and needed epidural and forceps (which you luckily didnt have to). I actually preferred the epidural as felt more aware and even though it was traumatic was alot more peaceful for all of us and remember the bonding time afterwards better. The gas just made me feel high and out of it too. Was a train wreck of stitches and was in alot of pain for the first 5-6 weeks. Amazing how your body can bounce back after something like that. Yours will too dont worry. Just soak up the love of your little Alaska Luxe and try rest up as much as you can xx

  12. Nancy Miller
    December 19, 2016 / 5:15 pm

    You did TERRIFIC!! First time baby stories are like yours,especially when you birth a 9 pounder!!!!Wow!! Please know that each birth gets easier,you can trust me on this,I had 3!First one was 28 hours,second birth was 14 hours,and my last was only 8 hours (He was 9 pounds 7 Oz! When I read you asked them to cut you,I was SO GLAD!!! Surprised they didn’t do it for you! I had to have an episiotomy or my kids would still be in me!!Next time just tell your Dr,”I want it!” I must say you did real good,it’s amazing that we can bring life into this world like we do,no matter how we birth them they are ours,uniquely ours and we will tell their story as often as we so proudly like to!Alaska is Beautiful and healthy,your body will heal,your memory will too,and you will find yourself back in the delivery room with baby #2!!!Congratulations!!!

  13. Natasha
    December 19, 2016 / 4:57 pm

    Wow Kyree I have tears in my eyes reading your birth story as it rings so true to my own first experience, I didn’t think I would ever do it again haha! My second experience however I went straight in had an epidural pushed out a baby had a few stitches and went home, it was a dream compared to my first and I look forward to doing it again some day… Not the feeling after my first!! You’re amazing, you’re strong and you’re darling daughter is just delightful 💟😍 I love your pictures it’s such a wonderful memory for you to be able to look back on 🙂 . Much love from Canada, enjoy that Rolly baby of yours.

  14. Claire
    December 19, 2016 / 4:18 pm

    Congrats on your beautiful girl! And to you strong mama bear 🙂 I had a very similar story with my first and was rather traumatized. Hearing other women’s stories still helps me feel better, thank you so much for sharing. The recovery was awful but I can tell you that it gets better! Physio helped tremendously and my body feels back to normal (which I thought wasn’t possible). I had a lot of fear going into my second delivery, but it was such a healing experience. Enjoy that sweetheart and let yourself feel all the feels, good and bad. xo

  15. December 19, 2016 / 3:42 pm

    Welcome to motherhood ! Nothing better and yes, I feel you. My daughter was about the same weight, the boys even more – so yes, I have been where you are right now. But you will heal, you will forget and you will enjoy this journey in a while. 😘

  16. Natalie
    December 19, 2016 / 3:42 pm

    I’ve just been through my first birth and it was very, very similar to yours and I can fully understand the physical and mental trauma. (48hrs of labour here!) Congratulations on the arrival of Alaska. Thank you for sharing your birth story- I need to get onto writing mine down before I forget.

  17. Mrs Dahlia
    December 19, 2016 / 3:39 pm

    Congratulations! I’ve been following you for several months now, my bubba is 7 weeks old so I’ve been enjoying seeing you go through pregnancy as I could relate to each post!

    While my birth story wasn’t exactly the same, it was traumatic and also resulted in an episiotomy.

    This is my 2nd baby, I had to get an episiotomy for my 2nd baby too as the scar tissue was too thick.

    Without writing a novel I would recommend:
    – tee tree oil in a squeezy bottle each time you wee as a natural remedy. Only use a few drops to start in about 400ml (standard drink bottle) or it will burn like hell if you use too much.
    -don’t freak out if your tampon falls out when your period comes back. This is when I knew I needed to do something about it, I’m so pleased to hear you’re already tee’d up for physio, my healing was very mismanaged, despite being a very large cut.
    -if in doubt see a gynocologist. He started recommended was didn’t start trying for our 2nd until 6 months after I’d stopped breastfeeding as everything tightens up a lot. He was right.
    -don’t be ashamed to get counselling about birth trauma. It wasn’t until I was in my 3rd trimester with my 2nd child that I started getting anxiety attacks, bawling my eyes out about the thought on my 2nd birth. I went to a few counselling sessions with the main theme being control as that’s how we established my anxiety would reduce. She also wrote a letter which was put in my file for the team at the hospital in regards to me needing tlc due to my last birth and what steps we needed to take to anxiety/triggering negative memories from my first birth. That letter had POWER, I was treated like a princess and everyone was extra thoughtful and considerate and listened. I’m not used to being high maintenance but the hand holding was amazing.
    I was the same as you, wanted a natural birth for my first which I managed but in hindsight wish I’d had an epidural. This time I got one, I felt in control the whole time, it was 10 hrs from first contraction to birth and I only pushed for 14 mins over 3 contractions. Sadly they had to cut me again to get through the scar tissue and 7 weeks on I feel like my insides are going to fall out more than my 1st. I’ll be having surgery once I stop breastfeeding (I already had a prolapse after the first bubba) as this my last child.
    I was scared about how my body would hold a baby in for the 2nd pregnancy, and until about 17 weeks I couldn’t stand a lot due to downward pressure (not painful, but my insides falling out feeling was pretty intense). Apparently bubba gets to a certain size and this feeling goes away which it did and I had no more probs about that for the rest of my pregnancy.

    Anyway this is already longer than I’d planned. Hopefully some of the things I’ve shared from my journey have helped. The story continues… I’ve sent my physio an email asking for a pessary to hold everything in (Google if you don’t know what this is, apparently they stop the falling out feeling).

    Enjoy your little squishy bundle. Things we do to make them! Keep up the baby spam xxx

  18. Lena
    December 19, 2016 / 3:20 pm

    That is a nice story. It remainds my first birth. Long, pain, panic, epidurale, cut. But second birth I did home for two hours in water. That was amazing.

  19. Claudia
    December 19, 2016 / 2:59 pm

    Congratulations your price is a perfect, wonderful, healthy baby girl that’s all yours !

    Claudia Peele

  20. Claudia
    December 19, 2016 / 2:57 pm

    You’re a wonderful mommy, courageus woman who fight all the way through this labor process… you’re so brave in sharing your wonderful birthing story.

    It is a remarkable story in words and pictures to give to other mommies to be (like me 31 weeks, preggo with baby boy #2).

    Pray all the best during this time …
    Claudia Peele

  21. Lindsay
    December 19, 2016 / 2:56 pm

    Oh Kyree I am so happy that you finally have your beautiful little girl in your arms! Congratulations to you, Ben, and your families 🙂 Thank you for sharing your birth story, it must have been a very tough few days for you but I know you will agree that it was absolutely worth it! Alaska is just perfect! xxx

  22. Sam
    December 19, 2016 / 2:53 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this experience, your baby girl is beautiful. I completely understand how you feel with things not going as planned. I was almost 2 weeks late and my body wasn’t doing anything. I was forced to get induced and I tried my best for 13 hours to do it naturally but with pitocin contractions are worse then normal. After 13 hours I was screaming for the epidural and boy did i feel better, but not defeated. Once I got to 10 cm I pushed for 4 hours with no progress snd started getting a fever and infection. At 4 hours they told me I needed an emergency c section. My heart sank and felt like it had shattered, after all that work and I had to get cut open. They told me u won’t feel pain… just pressure… holy hell.. the pressure was excruciating, I remember just screaming bloody murder. After what seemed like forever I felt them pull the baby out only to hear silence, no sweet little cry. For what seemed like another eternity I finally heard it. I did not get my skin to skin right away like I had imagined or even see my baby while they stitched me back up, I was so out of it with all the drugs. Over an hour later in finally met my little man. He is now 5 weeks old and perfect but I still have horrible memories and thoughts about the experience and get very emotional to talk about it. I know God is in control and I am not , but have been blessed with a perfect human that my body made regardless of how he got here

  23. Dotti
    December 19, 2016 / 2:51 pm

    Congratulations Ky! You did your best to bring a healthy baby girl to this world! You’re very strong and went through so much! I was lucky to have very short labour with my girl and I’m grateful for that after reading stories with such a difficult labour like yours. it took a lot of courage to wait that long for some help so you should feel very proud of yourself and never doubt that! Before next lobour try to practice with a special balloon thing to excercise your vgg muscles 🙂 I believe it helped me with natural labor. Hope you’ll get better soon! And congrats again 🙂 Alaska is beautiful

  24. Tina
    December 19, 2016 / 2:22 pm

    Hi Kyree. Not sure if you’ve noticed this already but Alaska’s birthday 13/12 is the same date that you saw the Clairvoyant in 2015 (you blogged about it). She told you that you would see your baby in 2016. Exactly a year to the day you were told!! How bizzare!!

  25. Virginia
    December 19, 2016 / 2:15 pm

    Thanks for share with us your birth experience. It was beautifull!. We are waiting our first baby, Camila. I’ve 37weeks. Congratulations and Merry Christmas! 🎄kisses from Argentina

  26. Ari
    December 19, 2016 / 1:46 pm

    Well done Mama! You should be so proud of your body and the amazing thing you have just done. I love everything you write and this especially as it was so similar to my birth experience. I too had a spine on spine birth with my second bubba and it was horribly beautiful!! I had the expectation that it was going to be a dream like my first labour, I was going to fight through like a warrior. I was sent home after feeling like I’d waited til the contractions were too extreme to handle and went back less than an hour later to find out I was dialated less than before. I refused to go home again and demanded my obstetrician come in. When he arrived I felt the biggest sense of relief. He told me I hadn’t dialated because bubba was stuck and he tried to move him. He had to rotate him manually (I felt like a cow when I saw him litterally elbow deep in me) and as soon as I felt baby turn it was like a massive release and i was ready to go almost immediately. I can’t help but wonder if your situation would have been less drawn out if they turned her?
    Regardless, you are a warrior for going that long with spine on spine, and oh my goodness your prize so beautiful ❤️

  27. Kyra
    December 19, 2016 / 1:37 pm

    This story is so similar to mine! My baby girl is now 4 months old and the good news is, each day, your love for your baby girl blinds you from the pain you endured. I swear, the day after we had her my husband and I were like “maybe we WONT have any more kids..” But now, we are like “bring on the babies!”- ha! Isn’t it incredible how strong you feel afterwards but yet so weak and overwhelmed? You are in for the best ride of your life- enjoy!

  28. Paula
    December 19, 2016 / 1:36 pm

    Congratulations Kyree on the birth of Alaska. She is beautiful. Thankyou so much for sharing your birth story. It sounded really tough and you are one strong mama! I also had my births at Armadale. Neither went according to plan. One was 10 days late and had to be induced which then lend to a c section. Also over the Christmas period. The second we were attempting an VBAC. My waters broke at home the day before his due date. But again, things didn’t go according to plan and another c section. But looking back I loved by births. Neither was what we were planning or had dreamed about and were at times scary but at the end I had a beautiful baby in my arms. I have recently experienced an 11 week miscarriage and I have been going over my birth stories even more. I hope everything becomes a beautiful memory in time xx

  29. Cherie Gear
    December 19, 2016 / 1:15 pm

    😭😭😭😭
    Crying. This was terrifying and beautiful… I am in awe of a woman’s body!!
    You did such a great job and you should be soooo proud! Our husbands are incredible and amazing to be our rock.
    Keep doing you, Mama. XO

  30. December 19, 2016 / 1:11 pm

    Such a beautiful storey, one that has me reflecting on my birth storey six quick months ago. I too felt and still do to a certain point feel traumatised by my experience. But time heals all wounds and thankfully we are blessed with gorgeous little bubs to be mesmerised by. Ps – the ‘no control’ issue – it does get better with time. I thought I was going to be an incontinent granny at the age of 25. Our bodies are amazing things x

  31. Johanna
    December 19, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    Oh Kyree, these posterior babies! My story is so similar except mine ended up as an emergency caesarean after 4 days of labour and being told to go home by the hospital. End result though….❤️

  32. Collette Bennett
    December 19, 2016 / 12:55 pm

    Huge Congratulations to you both, what a beautiful ray of sunshine she is! And thankyou for sharing such a personal story, warts and all. You are right though every birth is different and yours sounds very similar to the birth of my first daughter but I just wanted to give you another ray of hope that my second was very different. I managed to have her at home with no pain relief in a birthing pool and it was a lot quicker (only 3 hours). It doesn’t mean it will be like that for everyone but there is always hope! And anyway as long as they are here safe and sound who cares if things didn’t go to plan you’re a mummy now! They never will! 😂 Sending love 😘

  33. Nicole
    December 19, 2016 / 12:53 pm

    Beautiful 💕 Loved reading every moment. And from someone who has no interest in having children this story has opened my mind and heart. Thank you

  34. December 19, 2016 / 12:52 pm

    Kyree you are a total Wonder Woman!!
    I had a very similar experience to you about 5 months ago wth my baby boy- labouring for about a
    Fortnight, stayed at 2cm for an eternity… Wanted no drugs but ended up with an epidural and anything they could throw at me…
    I felt so traumatised and upset for ages after Hudson’s birth because I thought I hadn’t done it ‘properly’ or the way I wanted to, but these feelings fade away and you soon realise that you’re actually a rock star for producing a brand new human from your hooha, regardless the process of getting them out.

    Congratulations on gorgeous Alaska, you should be immensely proud of yourself. It’s so brave of you to share your story, it’s going to be a massive reassurance to others with similar experiences
    xxxxxxx

  35. December 19, 2016 / 12:51 pm

    Thanks for sharing your daugther is beautiful!!I have a question who took all your picturea while you were having al the contractions?

  36. Beck Bailey
    December 19, 2016 / 12:51 pm

    I have tears rolling down my face .. I can personally relate to your story however with my third baby .. Was and still am traumatised over it !! It will take time Kyree and you did a wonderful job bringing your princess safely into your arms .. With such a traumatic time for your first .. Much love and Happiness to you and your beautiful little family xxxx Merry Christmas 😘🎄

  37. Jenna
    December 19, 2016 / 12:49 pm

    This brought back so many memories of my brith it was identical to what you went threw,Mybest recovery was to talk about it with people I felt if I kept it bottled in it would have affected me way worse.
    23months on and now I’m thinking of number two but I think I will go for the csection this time mentally and physically I couldn’t cope doing it all again.
    Look down at your baby girl You went thew hell and back and you did it love is amazing

  38. Callie
    December 19, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    Oh Kyree. This story made me cry big, fat soppy tears. The outrageously uncontrollable nature of birth is so unfair. I’m currently pregnant with my second (hence the ott emotions) and your story flooded back all of the emotions I felt too after my first baby’s birth. I felt like my body failed. I felt like I did everything I could for the entire 40 weeks to bring the healthiest babe possible into the world, and in the last hurdle my body failed. I couldn’t bring the baby on myself. It took me more time than I ever expected to deal with those emotions, and sometimes I still feel the sting. But you do move forward. You grow into the beautiful new world you’ve created and those feelings of pain and disappointment slowly disappear. Give yourself all the time in the world that you need. You’ll heal and reflect with strength! Huge, huge congrats on your darling little lady.. You did a wonderful job Mumma, no matter how she came into the world, you did it! xxx She is a beauty! Xxx

  39. Marine
    December 19, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    Oh my God Kyree. I can’t stop crying. The pics are just too much, the pain, the emotion, the limits of the human body, the genuine LOVE between Ben and you, everything is so real and amazing. I related so much to you in your craving of a baby of yours bc i’ve always felt it as my ultimate goal as a woman. But I think I love you even more after this post. I’m having an hormonal breakdown right now and I love it. Your post actually convinced me that having a baby is the best. Thing. Ever. In its own way. You are such a beautiful family. #GoalsAF

  40. Danielle
    December 19, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    Oh my lord….. I’m speechless. Reading your experience is overwhelming and very real. My heart goes out to you. You are an amazing human being to endure that extreme pain. You and Ben have created a beautiful little angel and I loved every post on Instagram on the lead up to Alaska Luxe arrival and I will continue to enjoy the baby spam that will/has followed. God bless you all and Merry Christmas. This new chapter is going to be one full of excitments….. a chapter of Firsts 🙂

  41. annatestadoro
    December 19, 2016 / 12:34 pm

    You are amazing, I am in awe of your strength! I had a horrific experience in hospital with my first and ended up having a c-section. So when I had my second I had him at home in water, it was the most liberating and empowering experience I have ever had!
    You have created a beautiful girl, who is so blessed to have you as a mother. Enjoy this time with her, it passes too quickly!!!!!

  42. Hannah
    December 19, 2016 / 12:34 pm

    Sobbed at the end Ky to read you had that beautiful rush of pure love and emotion when she was laid on your chest. Our labours were so so similar I can’t even comprehend, except the last bit. Dylan was still completely back to back and my tiny size 6 hips just had no room to push out his head the wrong way round. So after 47 hours of labour including 3.5hrs of pushing we ended up in theatre for our c sec. He came out safe and that’s the main thing but what I’d have given to have had him pulled from my thighs and laid onto my bare chest. My heart still breaks a little to this day to think about it.
    Sass is utterly perfect. We’ll done ‘the harveys’ what a perfect you can now have xxx

  43. Gina Ciancio
    December 19, 2016 / 12:32 pm

    Congratulations! You should be so proud of yourself. And what a gorgeous girl Alaska is <3

    I'm not sure what advice you've been given for recovery but some things that really helped me:
    – 3/4 fill condoms with water and lie flat in the freezer, and once frozen slip these into your maternity pads (sounds weird but amazing for reducing bruising and helping stitches heal)
    – apply Witch Hazel toner and aloe vera gel to the top of maternity pads too
    – post natal compression leggings help give a feeling of control back.

    Be kind to yourself, most women I speak with who have had babies say it took 6 months or longer to feel 'normal' again xxx

  44. Melissa
    December 19, 2016 / 12:32 pm

    You are so brave and so strong Kyree, thank you for sharing your story. Well done to you and Ben, Alaska is beautiful Xx

  45. Chantel
    December 19, 2016 / 12:23 pm

    Congratulations Ky and Ben! It’s certainly a moment in life you won’t forget. Each women and baby has a different story which is incredibly personal so thanks for sharing. I never got to experience a natural birth both babies induced one 2 weeks over and the other bub I couldn’t go over again it was so painful. But even still had different experience with each and second time around I was determined not to do things I had done in my first such as not moving off the dam bed for 24 hours.

  46. J
    December 19, 2016 / 12:22 pm

    The after effects you mention sound pretty standard to me! My first was about the same weight as your little girl and the sore, swollen vagina and pissing myself thing took me by surprise too. Luckily, my second was half a kilo smaller and I’m hoping that the decreasing weight will mean my third is smaller still when it arrives in the new year…!

  47. Ellen
    December 19, 2016 / 12:21 pm

    Congratulations! Thanks for sharing, you have a beautiful family!

  48. Rachel
    December 19, 2016 / 12:19 pm

    I love reading birth stories! Thank you for sharing. My first birth was very similar. I’m happy to report that every labour is different and my second was not near as bad and was much quicker so don’t stress about it all panning out the same way again. The bits falling out sensation will get better soon x take it easy and get lots of rest!

  49. December 19, 2016 / 12:17 pm

    Congratulations!! You are right and every birth story is completely different and are all on different ends and what may be traumatic for one the other it may not be. But the main thing is you did it and you didnt give up and your beautiful bebe is now earth sideand you are now a family of 3. The pain always disappears when the baby comes out and soon enough number 2 will be happily cooming away. Enjoy your new bundle of joy and treasure your birthing journey. Congratulations and welcome to motherhood xx

  50. Sherise
    December 19, 2016 / 12:10 pm

    Beautiful , you did so well . So proud of you xxx

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